Prisonbreak, part 1

Local authorities today received an anonymous tip that a 19-inch tall infant was spotted escaping the NICU of Harris Methodist Hospital in Fort Worth. The infant, identified as one John-Raven Lee Cobb, is wanted for unlawful possession of a fully loaded, fully automatic poopy diaper (classified as a lethal weapon in Texas, but available without a permit). Recent sightings place the infant in the vicinity of Arlington, TX.


Above: The fugitive en route to a secret location.

A few days earlier, the hidden-camera picture below was captured of John-Raven at bathtime, during which he could be heard warning of his impending escape by shouting, "Ahh...aaaa...wah-waaaaaaa!" or, "I am not a prisoner! I am a free man!"



Temporarily left behind is John-Raven's twin brother, William "Babyface" Cobb. Earlier today, William underwent a simple hernia (hydrocele) procedure and is reportedly recovering well. Officials speculate that he may soon also attempt to break out of the Harris NICU to join his brother. William was unavailable for comment.

[Editor's Note: Yes, John-Raven is really finally home now. William had his hernia procedure earlier today and all went well. He's recovering nicely and will likely come home within the next couple of days.]